If Wake up calls are meant to wake us up, what are we waking up to?

They can and do get louder and louder, when we ignore them. It is not because there is this big angry person in the sky saying okay. You didn't listen the first time, so now I'm going to say it louder. So please, please, notice where you thoughts and your perceptions take you.

I used to spend so much time being unable to make decisions, and through my experiences, I heard the wake up calls, yet sometimes when we read information, or listen to speakers, discuss the law of attraction, or how we create our own reality, we may find ourselves blaming ourselves for what happened to us in our past. We may find ourselves feeling as if it was our fault, and this is the point I want to have you begin to notice.

In my life, I had to reach a point in my life where I couldn't just sit back and ignore what was going on anymore. A place in my life where I said Enough is Enough.

I chose to understand how I created my experiences, and in understanding, I chose to begin to live my life differently.

I began to notice, how I kept waiting and hoping for someone else to change, in order to make me happy. I reached a point in my life, where I wanted to die, and yet I didn't want to leave my children with this memory that I had of me.

My experiences where real, and the harder I tried to keep things together, hoping someone else would notice, while I pretended everything was fine. I was living in what appeared as a very unexpected, emotionally abusive, and financially controlling relationship.

I did what came naturally to me, at that time, and I chose to blame someone else for everything that was happening. I chose to convince myself that it would eventually get better, if I just put up with it, everything would go back to the way things were. And yet, I found myself feeling helpless. I was a victim, and I saw my life this way, without understanding how. I was giving my power away without understanding how. I was creating this all, and at the time, I found myself becoming even more angry and reactive,because my emotions were saying one thing, and my mind was saying another. My mind was wanting to control everything, beieving that everything I did, was out of love, and yet, it only continued to make my situation worse. Yes, at first, I felt betrayed, controlled, and anger. This change felt forced on me, and it felt as if I was in a life or death situation. I was feeling angry, humiliated and ashamed, and my mind wanted to keep these feelings hidden. I found it very difficult to accept how I was responsible for creating all of it. Feelings of guilt, worthless, and confusion, because all of these experiences, were bringing up some very old old feelings. I didn't understand why these feelings were coming up, and yet, I could visualize the memories from my own past, when I used to feel this way. I believed I had worked through those feelings long ago, and yet, what I understand now, is that my mind tried so hard for years to suppress them, ignore them, and continue to bury them, so that I could continue living the life that I had dreamed about so long ago, and yet what was really happening was I felt as if I was living a lie.

My experiences of the last few years, brought to surface these suppressed feelings. My experiences of the last few years continue to give me the opportunities to heal those fears.

I've gone from not knowing how I could ever manage to support myself and my children, losing all of the financial security, to rebuilding and supporting myself and my children. I've regained my financial security and I feel so blessed and grateful to have transformed many of my own fear-based subconscious belief systems, with Love. I've lived through some of the darkest moments of my life during these last few years, and these tools are my training are what have helped me make it through, staying focused on the present moment not believing the story, and always doing my best to come from a place of love rather than a place of Fear.

What I see and feel today, is gratitude, and love and a connection to the one and only person in this lifetime, who could have ever woken me up to myself. Rather than thinking this person did something to me, I choose to see how this person did something for me. The growth from these experiences will continue to bring gifts and opportunities to continue working through the many layers of my fears and this is part of the learning in this lifetime, which in the past would have stopped me. There will always be more opportunities to continue transforming our lives, and creating a new Reality.

Through Gods Eyes is the title of my first book, which I am in the process of publishing during the next few months. Writing a book has always been a dream of mine, and the excitement comes from finally believing that I have something worth saying, that can only be expressed to another through me.

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SBI!