Does your child have a problem behavior?

How often do you hear someone talking about problem behaviors? Too often our main focus and attention both as parents and teachers is placed on changing a child’s behavior without understanding exactly what the importance of that behavior is attempting to communicate to us. Too often, we manage to change a "problem behavior," while failing to recognize that in its place, we have merely created another one, or we've managed to bury the real cause even deeper. Most times we do this with "very good intentions", and yet, we continue to add fuel to the fire and feed the fear, while missing the opportunity to create a positive, effective and significant difference.

All behavior is a form of communication. When we are dealing with a “problem behavior,” such as bullying, verbal or physical aggression, we can learn new ways to deal with these situations. We can make a difference in the eyes of all children and we can effect positive change, because we are making a difference in ourselves.

The effects of fear and the impact it has on the minds and physical well being of the human body is something worth considering. Fear is a separation or loss either perceived or real which is too vulnerable to bear. When in doubt remember this, when you find yourself dealing with "a problem behavior" or looking a child and believing their behavior is the cause. For most this fear is subconsciously embedded and largely connected to our egos. Begin to see this as a safety mechanism which automatically kicks in. It affects everyone differently depending on the source. Most people would consider an outspoken and sometimes loud and angry person to be less fearful. The opposite is closer to the truth. An angry person is more fearful than any other type of person. Their anger is fueled by their fear and they're stuck in the traffic circle of anger and have no way out without this understanding. They seek revenge and want to get even because that's all they know. They react to situations without being aware of their reactions.

So where do we begin?

In adults all reactions such as these are an age regression and knowing this can help you deal with what you may see as a problem behavior. Knowing this could help you know when to step in and when to step out of the way. Knowing this would make you aware of your own fears, but more importantly you would begin to see anger as a form of frustration, and this is communication through behavior which we can all help each other understand, and diffuse.

The effects of frustration, the fear of separation, and a vulnerability to impossible to bear are communicated through many different types of behaviors. As parents or teachers we spend a considerable amount of time changing the behavior without understanding the cause. Our time would be better spent asking ourselves the question "What do I not see when I look at the child?" rather than "What can I do now to stop the behavior?" What we do not see may be our first clue to helping us become better teachers and more capable in helping the child.

We begin with seeing things with new eyes. This can be applied to you as the parent, teacher, friend, or an observer because we are all teachers to one extent or another. It begins with our best guess, with no concrete answer, and it continues when we remember our own intention or goals which in this case is to help the child, rather than to find reasons or excuses to blame others. This provides the most effective change and ENERGY well spent.

Rather than focusing on changing the behavior itself, or blaming others for causing this behavior, we remember our intent and or goal which is to help the child and this requires that we bring new eyes and awareness into every situation. This requires that we find compassion and empathy within ourselves and this is where the real work begins.

Get the Help You Need to Solve "Problem Behaviors"

Back to Home Page