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The Honest No. How do you communicate your truth?Giving an HONEST NO response when you are being asked to do something, can create a lot of stress, and anxiety, if you really feel as if saying no would hurt someone's feelings, or ruin your relationship. In truth, it is just a new way of learning to communicate, and being able to say no, if this is what we really intent, would save so many headaches down the road. All of us can learn to do this, and as we practice and do this from a place of love, rather than from a place of attack, you will see a difference in the way your no is taken.Communication is an important part of all relationships, and clarity and honesty means being able to respond with either a "Yes" or "No" answer which is true to you in the moment, and relaying this to another from a place of love for self. The hardest part is learning to detach from the "Story". The story is what can get us hooked every time when we are not paying attention. What's important to remember is that an honest "No" to another person is a "Yes" to us, when we speak from our heart, and when we do not get caught up in their story or our own. How many times have you said yes to someone because you felt sorry for them? How many times have you said yes because you didn't know how to say no?If you believe you can't say no and if you see this as a sign of weakness or lack of confidence, turn this around and see this as an opportunity to learn a new skill. To learn being assertive, and to begin speaking up for you, We Teach what we most need to learnThis can be a difficult skill for many people, and most often we seem to hear the complaints from others who have said yes when they really wanted to say no. They walk around resentful and telling everyone else about how much they resent this person. This doesn't make much sense does it? Would it not be easier to say no? Every time I hear someone complaining or telling stories I ask them what reason they had for saying yes to something they obviously did not want to do? The answer seems to be because they did not know how to say no. There always seems to be a sense of resentment. The interesting thing about this, is the resentment is always towards the person who asked for something, and yet we are the ones who agreed. The person we really resent is ourselves for agreeing and learning this skill will make possible to never feel this resentment again.If you find yourself in these situations begin to notice your own feelings and ask yourself your reasons. Begin to observe and notice your reasons for saying yes when you really wanted to say no. In my own experiences I found that saying no to another made me feel guilty, or rude, or inconsiderate. Examples to help you with your Honest No ResponsesThe examples below are ones I have taken from the Work of Byron Katie. Practice makes perfect and the next time you are asked to do something and really want to give an honest no, you can practice by using some of these responses.As you learn to stay out of your story and their story you will begin to hear and respect yourself and everyone around you. Always remember that no one needs fixing, and that as you hold yourself capable, and others capable you no longer codepend, or collude. Learn to use words such as "and" when you hear yourself saying "but" because you join with the person even when you say no to their requests. When you use the word "but" you seperate. Some people use the term "but is like a bullet which kills everything that came before it".These are all examples, and like anything else, you will begin to say this naturally with your own words and link it to the honest No. At first it may seem as if you're reading from a book or roteand eventually you will find your own words and this will become easier and more natural. Remember to check your intent. Always go inside and ask yourself your purpose for doing or saying no. When it comes from love for yourself the answer is always the right one. Examples of an honest no LinksNew! CommentsHave your say about what you just read! Leave me a comment in the box below. |
