Codependency is a fear based belief system

Codependency is an interesting and very useful awareness to have when it comes to how you do relationships. Many of us may say we do things to help others, yet I'm going to suggest some other reasons, and only you can really answer these questions truthfully and honestly for yourself. When ever we do or say something, we may not really want to do, or say, it is because we are afraid of being rejected, not loved or not liked, if we speak our truth. Some of us have lived in this world of co-depending for most of our lives, and many of us are not aware that we do this.

Codependency is a difficult concept to understand because we normally see this as doing something nice for another person or taking the time to put our own feelings aside and helping someone in need. There is a very big difference between doing something for another from the goodness of our hearts, and doing something for another because we don't know how to say no, or because we are too afraid to be honest with our feelings, because we don't want the other person to take it the wrong way. When we are afraid to speak up for fear of not being like, being judged, or being rejected, we are not being truthful with ourselves or anyone else.

We co depend others and our selves daily, in our relationships with our children, spouses, co-workers and acquaintances. We have a picture in our own minds of how we want to be seen, and we can actually begin to recognize the trait, and see how this good intended trait can actually back fire on us, always.

It might be a good idea to question your reasons for doing this.

This goes hand in hand with learning to accept responsibility for your life and how you are creating your life. When we co-depend something, we are not holding them capable. We believe they can not accomplish something unless we help them. Most of the time, we help not because we truly want to, but because we don't thing they can do anything without us. Think about this.

How many times do you do things for others, because you feel you have to. How many times have you gone along with someone because you were afraid of hurting their feelings? How many times have you felt it was your responsibility or your job as a spouse, parent or friend, and yet you found yourself resenting or becoming angry? You really didn't agree or want to go along, yet you didn't want to explain yourself, or you didn't want to hurt the relationship, even when you knew you were not being truthful to yourself? How many times have you chosen to not speak up because you feared rejection? You feared being disliked or seen as different or even disloyal?

How many times have you gone along with something or helped some one only to have it backfire on you?

Think about a time when you did something for someone even though you really didn't want to. What happened? Did things go smoothly or did things eventually blow up?

The next time you find yourself asking "Why did this happen?" Think about how you were feeling when you agreed.

Pay attention to your words, and if you ever hear yourself saying after the fact:

"I never really wanted to do this in the first place!" This is your first clue that you were co depending! Who are you going to blame? The person you believe made you do it, or yourself?

Take this opportunity to question your thoughts. Think about why you did what you did. Codependency is a part of your reason. The real question would be, What were you afraid of happening if you didn't go along? It's a good idea to stop blaming others, and answer this question because this is where you can change and the energy will be well worth the time.

Co-depending creates turmoil in our relationships. When we understand and begin to make decisions based on self love for ourselves, rather than doing something to have another person love us, we keep our own power, and control. The outcome is a more loving one which creates changes! Co-dependency is not speaking or do what we believe is good and true for ourselves because of fear that we may upset, anger, disappoint or hurt another. We fear that then they may not like us, or even worse they won't love us!

By co-depending another human being, we could be creating more harm and damage because it means we do not hold the other person capable. What we are doing is dangling them just above the bottom of hell. This is codependency, and does not allow growth. Everyone is capable and everyone is perfect exactly the way they are. As we remember the truth of who we all are we allow ourselves and others to live and reach their true potentiality.

Ask yourself if and how you are responsible for codepending

Codependency is a fear based belief system

You are Capable

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