What is Codependency?Codependency or co-depending as described in Webster's Dictionary is: a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted as to alcohol or gambling and the other person is psychologically dependent on the first in an unhealthy way. This definition as straight forward and simple to comprehend as it pertains to an addiction such as drugs gambling or alcohol is a very difficult concept to understand and see on a daily basis as it pertains to our own addictions. This is a difficult concept to understand when we co depend others and our selves daily in every relationships and most especially with our children, our spouses and our own families. Even with our selves Think about how many times you haven't spoken your truth or given your perceptions about something and just went along to keep the peace among friends. To not hurt another s feelings. With your family, your children and most importantly your intimate relationships? How many times have you really wanted to do something or say something, and have chosen not to because of fear of rejection, dislike, or acceptance. How many times have you gone along with something or some one and then had it backfire on you? Think back to a time when you did something even though you really didn't want to. Can you remember what happened? Did things go smoothly or did things eventually blow up? We've all done this, and we have all dealt with the consequences of this.If you can't remember one now, keep this thought in mind. The next time you find yourself asking "Why did this happen?" Think about how you were feeling when you agreed or did not stand up and speak truthfully about something. This is why what ever has happened to you happened. Pay attention to your words, and if you ever hear yourself saying after the fact: "I never really wanted to do this in the first place!" I would encourage you to take this opportunity to question your thoughts, and see if you did something that you weren't really keen on doing in the first place. Think about why you did what you did. This is not meant to make you right or wrong. It's only meant to make you aware. It's meant to give you a better understanding of codependency. Co-dependency...this is what creates much of the turmoil we experience with people and with our relationships. Once we know this and understand this and actually know how to come from a place of love for ourselves, rather than a reaction, we do become in control and capable of changing! Here is an easier definition of codependancy which when practiced creates miraclesCo-depending is when we do not speak or do what we believe is good and true for ourselves out of fear of upsetting, angering, disappointing or hurting an other-and then they make not like us, even worse may be they won't love us!When ever we co-depend another, we actually create more harm and damage because we dangle them just above the bottom of hell. This is what codependency is. We stop them and ourselves from hitting their/our rock bottom, their/our wall of futility, (as Gordon Neufeld calls it). We aid them in keeping them from remembering the truth of who they are (which Neal Donald Walsch speaks about over and over in Conversations with God), and we most definitely keep them stuck. One of the greatest catalyst for change in a relationship any relationship is the complete acceptance of your partner or your children, or anyone for that matter, as he or she is, without the need to judge or change them in any way.Ask yourself if and how you are responsible for codependingChoosing to remove codependency from our lives is a very difficult concept to understand, especially when the other is a spouse, or a child who we so desperately want to protect. This can feel like a fearful place to be. Once we understood, and once we learn how to know the difference between doing something for our highest good, rather than doing something or not saying something in order to fix some one else, we will begin to see how doing the opposite heals ourselves and others. Miracles... if we choose to call it this, are possible.... They become a part of life.Codependency is fear based on a belief which you have the power to change now Links to Love Books worth Reading
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